I just realized how much I want to get rid of my past. I’ve always hated looking back on the past way back when. I’d be lying if I said I was content with everything in my life now but I can honestly say that I love a lot of people in my life.
Looking back a year so many things were different, so many people, so many thoughts running through my mind. But that’s all changed now. I could have never guessed I’m where I am now but I wouldn’t go back and change a thing.
"family isn’t a blood related thing. Family is what it’s in the heart."
This really hit me hard when I read it. When you look to your family and see how fucked up things can be with them the only thing close to family that comes to mind is your friends. I can relate to this more then anyone knows I think.
I lied about the last post, that was the Christmas start I had in mind. the end was just terrible. To think I used to look up to my family thinking they were one of a kind. I was right in a way. They are one of kind for being so god damn selfish. I’m not trying to sound spoiled or anything but even the thought of gift like something small would have been nice. But no, all I get is a dirty fucking look and I get to witness you giving gifts to other people. That’s real cool. Not to mention everyone else in my family. Thank you really for this Christmas I’ll definitely remember.
P.S. I also understand there are other people somewhere else in the world getting nothing for the holidays and I truly am sorry but I’m talking about here, not somewhere else.
One of these days I’m going to just go away to California or Europe or somewhere and not tell anyone. I wouldn’t want it to be looked down upon from my friends and family. I wouldn’t want it to be seen as being an asshole.
I’d just like it to get away, leave the place where I’ve always been, Experience a different enviroment. I think we all could use a little “new” in our lives for once.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, when I used to look foward to Fridays, when I used to light up with joy seeing everyone, back when everyone would light up with joy to see each other.
I miss the old times so much more then ever to be honest. I’d be lying if I said I enjoy school now. I’ve made great new friends but that’s put me far away from the old ones. Some people say change is good but I’m not seeing any good so far in this. Months from now that’ll probably change, maybe, maybe not, who really knows? I don’t. Things have been hard lately for me. I feel so empty sometimes or caught up in with the past that I forget what I have in front of me. I’m sorry to those who’ve I’ve disappointed or hurt
I really don’t know how to deal with all of this.
If you read this though, thank you for taking your time to read about my randomness<3